|
|
|
- free your
true Self and reduce false-self wounds |
 |
Traits of a
High-nurturance
Organization
Are You Participating in One
Now?
By Peter K. Gerlach, MSW
Member NSRC Experts Council |
 The Web address of this article is
http://sfhelp.org/basics/ho_n_org.htm
Clicking links below will open a full window or an informational popup, so
please turn off your brow-ser's popup
blocker or allow popups from this nonprofit Web site. If the windows distract you, read the article before following any links.
This is one of a
series
of articles on Lesson 1 in
this Web site - free your
to guide you in calm and conflictual times, and
significant false-self
This is one of 12
checklists you can use
to
whether you or another person are
ruled by a well-meaning
If
you or they are, that will relentlessly degrade your life in
key ways until you choose to work at personal
The checklists aim to offset a
false self's protective drive to deny, repress, and mini-mize scary realities like major psychological
wounds and what they
This worksheet assumes you're familiar with...
Perspective
Would you agree that people form groups to fill key personal and social
needs? Nurturing means
"filling needs." Organizations that
consistently fill their
members' key needs
well can be called "high nur-turance." People raised in
high-nurturance
families tend to work in high-nurturance organizations,
and vice versa.
|
If you work in a
low nurturance setting (where people often don't get key needs met), that may indicate that you
a
low-nurturance childhood and have two to six significant psychological
wounds.
|
High-nurturance organizations
(including families) have
common traits, compared to lower-nurturan-ce organizations. I
propose
the following summary of such traits, based on...
-
17 years' experience working
as an IBM systems engineer and sales representative to scores of average
(for-profit) businesses,
-
30 years' experience studying relationship and family
health,
-
seven years' experience working on the Board of a
large suburban non-profit mental-health center, and...
-
recovering
from my own false-self wounds since 1986.
This
worksheet provides...
-
a summary of 30 common
traits of
high-nurturance organizations, and...
-
a summary of
key options if you conclude you work in a low-nurturance setting.
Before evaluating your work setting, take a...
Status Check
This non-profit educational Web site is based on some key premises.
See how they compare to what you believe. In the following, T = "true, I
agree; F = "false, I disagree;" and ? = "I'm not sure, or it depends on
_____."
1) Families
exist to fill
the
needs of their
adults and
kids. Some fill these needs (nurture) better than others. Thus
any family - like yours - can be
judged on a scale from "very low nurturance" to very high nurturance." (T
F ?)
2)
People
raised in low-nurturance childhoods usually...
-
develop protective
false selves (disorganized
personalities) to survive. False selves cause
up to six psychological
in adults and kids,
which cause
mixes of typical behavioral symptoms.
(T F ?); and they...
-
are prone to make unwise relationship, work,
and health choices - repeatedly
(T F ?); and...
-
often choose
human-service occupations like education, law, counseling, clergy, medicine,
customer service, consulting, etc. (T F ?); and typical
low-nurturance survivors...
-
tend to work in low-nurturance organizations
which inhibit their
from any
false-self wounds. (T F ?)
3)
Non-family organizations exist to fill the
primary needs of (a) the people they serve, (b)
their employees and
volunteers, and (c) their regulators, funders, and donors.
Any organization can be rated
between very low-nurturance to very high, depending on how well they fill
the primary needs of these two or three groups (in someone's opinion). (T F
?)
4)
The nurturance-level of
an organization is directly proportional to how wounded and unaware the
group's policy-makers and leaders are. Leaders with...
-
few
false-self wounds,
-
adequate knowledge of
relationship and
organization skills, and...
-
accurate perceptions of
members' and clients'
or customers' primary needs...
...tend to evolve high-nurturance (effective) organizations. Conversely,
significantly-wounded, unaware leaders tend
to attract and choose wounded,
unaware group-members,
and evolve low-nurturance organi-zations.
(T F ?)
5) Co-workers in low and high-nurturance organizations each have
characteristic behaviors. Mem-bers of
low and high-nurturance families have similar behaviors. (T F
?)
6) People
in true (vs. pseudo) recovery from false-self domination tend to (a) become
dissatisfied with low-nurturance organizations, and they (b) seek higher-nurturance
workplaces within their profession. Wounded people who aren't recovering
tend to stay in low-nurturance settings despite major discomforts, or
they change jobs frequently without gaining lasting satisfaction. (T F
?)
7) Right now
I feel a mix of "light," grounded, alert, aware, alive, focused, calm,
centered, pur-poseful, "up," confidant, strong, serene,
realistic,
grounded, compassionate, resilient, and clear. (T F
?) These are symptoms that your personality is currently guided by your
true Self.
If you don't feel some mix of
these now, your false self is apt to distort your answers below.
Pause,
and notice
what your subselves are thinking and feeling now...
Now put these premises to work:
-
On a scale of 1 (very low nurturance) to 10 (very high nurturance), I'd rate my
childhood
family as a ___.
-
On the same 1-10 scale, I'd rate the nurturance-level
of my
current workplace
or school as a ___.
-
On a scale of 1 (I'm very
wounded psychologically) to 10 (I'm
wholistically healthy and have no significant wounds), I feel I'm
now a ___ .
Next, use your beliefs to get a sense of the nurturance-level of your work
setting. Set aside ~ 20" of undistracted time, and adopt the open mind of
a student. Choose the attitude that
anything you learn here can improve
your and any dependents' lives.
Common Traits of
High-nurturance Organizations
Premise: any organization that
consistently fills the
of its members or workers, clients, and funders well enough will have many of the
traits below.
Check the items below you feel clearly apply to your work
or school setting, or write a number from 1 (no) to
10 (yes). Don't check an item unless you can check each sub-item ("_")
without ambivalence.
Take your time to reflect on each item. Note that these
traits apply to classrooms, church congre-gations, neighborhoods, sports
teams, and volunteer organizations if you change "co-worker" to "group
member."
| __ 1) All
co-workers are _ clear enough on their organization's main
goals and policies, and _
respect them well enough. _ Leaders' behaviors consistently match and
promote these goals and policies. |
__ 2) All co-workers feel their organization's executives,
managers, and supervisors are effective enough in their job roles.
This includes goal-setting, planning, delegating, evaluating, problem-solving,
deciding, supporting, coaching, coordinating, confronting, and appreciating. |
| __ 3)
All co-workers feel steady personal
_ pride in and _ concern
for _ themselves, _ each other, and _ the organization. |
__ 4) All co-workers feel _ genuine self-respect and _ respect the equal
rights and
worth of each other enough, despite personal differences. |
|
__ 5) Each co-worker knows clearly _ who
they work for in the organization, _ what their main job responsibilities
are, and _ how their performance is evaluated. |
__ 6)
Each co-worker usually feels _ their job is worthwhile enough, _ satisfying
enough, and _ uses their talents and abilities well enough. |
|
__ 7) Within limits, professional "mistakes" and
"failures" are usually seen as important chances
to grow, vs. reasons to blame, ridicule, and shame. |
__ 8) Co-workers usually feel they're _ well trained enough and _
have enough resources to perform the roles they've accepted. |
|
__
9) All co-workers feel
that written and verbal communication among all
levels of the organiza-tion is
enough.
|
__ 10) Co-workers steadily share a sense of
and common
purpose, vs. jealousy, antagonism, resentments, and insecurities. |
| _ 11) All co-workers are
effectively coached to do win-win
vs. arguing, fighting, blaming,
defending, and/or
avoiding. |
_ 12) Co-workers are _ encouraged to propose responsible
improvements to the organization, and _ are recognized well enough for
doing so. |
|
_ 13) Co-workers share a
high level of _ self and _ mutual trust. This promotes inner and mutual honesty;
there are no
major secrets, denials, or taboos (e.g. "We don't talk about that!") |
_ 14) When significant
organizational changes occur, all co-workers
feel they _ got enough no-tice, _ understand the changes and how they'll
affect them, and _ have had enough opportunity to ask questions of, or make
suggestions to, ap-propriate people. |
| _ 15) Co-workers feel
they have adequate chan-ces to discuss and resolve confusions and con-flicts
over money, fringe benefits, and working conditions. |
_ 16) All co-workers are comfortable enough with the organization's
between professional and personal life. |
|
_ 17) Co-workers are encouraged to
balance work, rest, and play,
and see all three as equally valuable to their job
performance and their organ-ization's success. |
_ 18) Managers and
workers generally
respect each other as equally-valuable people and
profes-sionals, rather than feeling antagonistic, biased, or competitive. |
| _ 19)
Co-workers generally feel the management balances the needs of _
employees or members, _ clients, and _ funders well enough. |
_ 20)
Co-workers _ feel safe in asking for help in resolving local problems, and _
usually do so, ra-ther than being overwhelmed or ineffective. |
_ 21) Co-workers share
realistic (vs. idealistic) optimism and hopes; A general
spirit of "Let's try!" and "I / You / we can!" prevails |
_ 22)
All levels of co-workers
often exchange genuine, spontaneous, encouragements, affir-mations, and appreciations
(praise). |
| _ 23)
Co-workers are trained and encouraged to_ accurately
clients' primary (vs. sur-face)
needs, and _ factor those into the services that they provide.
|
_ 24)
Co-workers _ understand what they need
to do to advance in the organization and profes-sion, and feel _
encouraged enough to grow per-sonally and professionally. |
| _ 25) All
co-workers value _
learning and _
con-structive change, vs. fearing, resisting,
avoiding, or
minimizing them. |
_ 26)
Co-workers share genuine interest in how their organization affects the
local _ community and _ ecological environments, and are _ proac-tive
in improving these, within reason. |
| _ 27)
The organization and its leader/s, services, and employees are well
respected in local and professional communities. |
_ 28)
Co-workers on all levels display most of these
high-nurturance behaviors relative to
their workplace, most of the time. |
|
_ 29)
Co-workers
_ share a spirit of balanced service to themselves, each other, and
other living things; and _ appreciate those who serve them. |
_ 30)
Managers and supervisors _ receive ade-quate training and coaching on how to
be effec-tive leaders, and _
they get enough constructive feedback on their abilities. |
| _
31) (add your own traits)
|
_ 32) |
Note your
reaction to what you just read...
-
I feel that together, these traits are a
reliable-enough way to judge the nurturance-level or
wholistic health of any organization or
group. (T F ?)
-
From 1 (very low) to 10 (very high), I'd rate the nurturance-level
of the organization I work
or study in as a ___.
-
Now I feel the odds that I have significant
false-self wounds are about ___ %.
-
My
is responding to these items now. (T
F ?)
Now What?
This and
11 related worksheets
exist to help you decide if you have significant false-self wounds that are lowering the quality
and length of
your life, and jeopardizing any dependent kids. Recall why you read this,
and then consider these
options...
Do nothing with these results, or postpone
acting on them;
Continue
studying
Lesson 1
Increase your perspective by evaluating
the
nurturance-level
of your childhood and/or current family (low to high);
Learn more about your multi-part
personality (inner
family), and/or review these typical questions
about normal subselves;
Review this comparison of
the traits of your true Self and a protective false self;
Study this introduction to personal
recovery from false-self wounds;
Read and reflect on these ideas on healthy and toxic
spiritual and religious beliefs,
churches, and spiritual or religious communities and denominations;
Show this worksheet to someone else, and/or discuss the concepts and results with them;
Scan these representative books
about recovery from low-nurturance childhoods to get an idea of what's
available; or...
Identify specifically why you're working at the
organization you are, now; or...
Invest in
the
Lesson-1
guidebook
Who's Really Running Your Life?, or...
Browse the Lesson-1
site links, or...
Do something else.
Recap
This is one of 12 worksheets
in this Web site designed to help you test for false self dominance and
wounds. It builds on the premises that...
-
organizations exist to nurture -
i.e. to fill members' primary needs;
-
high-nurturance organizations have
observable traits, and...
-
psychologically-wounded people
unconsciously seek low-nurturance settings that replicate their
dysfunctional childhood families.
Use
all 12 worksheets for the best odds of accurate
+ + +
<<
Prior page / Add to favorites
/ Lesson-1 index
/ Email this article's address
>>
site intro /
course overview
/
site search
/
definitions
/
chat /
contact
/
Updated
August 30, 2010
|
