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This is one of a
series
of articles on Lesson 1 of 8 in
this Web site - (a) free your
to guide you in calm and conflictual times, and (b)
reduce
significant false-self
|
This article
outlines key steps to assess yourself or another person for
significant false-self dominance and related psychological
wounds.
From my
30-year
experience as family systems ther-apist, it appears that a high majority of
average adults hare significantly wounded, and don't (want to) know that or what it
|
Self-study Lesson 1 in this educational Web site aims to help adults...
-
understand these wounds,
where they come from, and what they mean; and then..
-
assess themselves for
wound symptoms, and...
-
help motivated adults reduce any significant wounds they discover.
Premise - adults' and kids'
combined wounds are perhaps the most powerful of
that
over half of U.S. marriages fail.
This summary article
outlines the key steps to assess for false-self (psy-chological) wounds,
and points to
initial steps in healing them.
You'll get the most from this guide if you patiently...
Prepare to Assess
This article assumes you're familiar with...
-
the
intro to this Web site,
and the premises
underlying it
-
self-study
Lesson 1
-
this overview of six
"false-self" (psychological) wounds
-
what these wounds often
mean
|
Study these articles to understand (a) why this self-assessment
framework exists, and (b) how it relates to you and the kids and adults you
care about. Doing this will help you start
reducing the second major family hazard:
# Status check: Pause, breathe well,
and notice if you feel any of these: alive, alert, centered,
energized, focused, calm, purposeful, strong, "up," grounded,
confident, competent, interested, aware, and
"light." If so,
your true Self probably is leading your
other personality subselves.
Assess for False-self Dominance and Wounds
Option: print this and use it as a checklist to guide and monitor your
progress...
Choose the open, curious mind of a
student, and (a) expect to learn something of high value for you and those
you love. This is a win-win process: if you do all 11 checklists honestly,
you'll learn (b) you're not significantly wounded, or (c) you are, and
can benefit greatly from evolving and working a personal recovery plan.
Expect this evaluation
to take several weeks, and pace yourself. If you get confused or
stop and regroup. There's a lot here. Option:
about your
reactions as you go...
Read (a) each of the linked articles
above, and (b) any articles they link to that catch your eye, if you haven't already.
Skipping this may invalidate
your assessment results.
For a preliminary (overall)
evaluation, fill out this worksheet
and notice your feelings and thoughts as you do. Because your
well-meaning, distrustful false self will try to distort your answers,
then take undis-tracted time to
widen your perspective
by using these 11 additional checklists honestly...
Next, read
this to help decide what all
the above articles and 12 checklists mean to you. Then with
the perspective you've gained...
Review (a) this overview of inner-wound
recovery and (b) this
introduction to freeing your Self to
harmonize
(reorganize) and lead your inner
family of subselves.
If you're sure...
-
your
true Self is
your other subselves, and...
-
you feel motivated to commit to personal recovery from false-self wounds
for your and your loved-one's sakes, then...
-
decide if you want to invest
in the Lesson-1 guide
book
Who's
Really Running Your Life? as a portable recovery resource.
To widen your perspective, scan this list
of other books about multi-part
personalities, recovery, and true Selves. Follow the wisdom of the
"still, small voice" within you.
Investigate your
community to see
if there are any professional recovery guides (therapists) and/or
reputable support groups. The best ones are usually led by Self-led
mental-health professionals.
Thoughtfully decide if there are any
other persons you want to share these ideas and resources with (like your
partner) now. This may change as you progress in your recovery. Finally...
Use this
worksheet to assess what your current real
priorities are, and where
personal recovery from false-self
wounds will fit among them. I recommend
for your and your kids' long-term benefit, you're wise to put it among your top five
priorities; and...
If appropriate, widen your
perspective by reading and discussing these options for relating to a
wounded adult or
child. Then...
Use
your new knowledge and perspective
to gain deeper awareness from rereading this summary of
that (I believe)
promote our unremarked
U.S.
divorce
epidemic. Option - also read about
options for helping others break the
lethal [wounds + unawareness] cycle (Lesson 8).
 Note
that gaining the full benefit of
here depends on
your family adults being guided by their true Selves. Assessing
each adult honestly for the six false-self wounds is the first step to-ward achieving that! |
I'd like to learn from your
feedback
on these articles and the ideas behind them, and any wound-reduction
experience in your family.
Recap
From 27 years' research and clinical experience, this Web site proposes
that most American fami-lies
(like yours?) are stressed by a lethal [wounds + unawareness]
passing down the generations.
This article outlines how to assess yourself
or someone else for symptoms of this cycle: signifi-cant false-self (psychological) wounds
from a low-nurturance childhood. It proposes preliminary readings to
help you prepare for an assessment, and provides links to 12 Lesson-1
worksheets for wound-assess-ment.
+ + +
Pause, breathe, and recall why you read this article. Did you get
what you needed? If so, what do you need now? If not - what
you need? Is there anyone you want to
discuss these ideas with?
Who's answering these
questions - your wise resident
or
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