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This is one of a series of articles on evolving and
enjoying
high-nurturance families (Lesson 5). The series exists because the wide
range of current U.S. social
problems suggests that
most families don't
nurture their members very well.
That suggests the epidemic effects of the lethal [wounds + unaware-ness]
cycle proposed in this nonprofit site.
LESSON 5 - evolve and enjoy a high-nurturance family
Families exist to nurture
-
i.e. to fill their members'
basic needs. Depending
on many factors, fami-lies (like yours) range from low-nurturance to
high-nurturance. This lesson proposes how to significant-ly raise the nurturance-level of
your family and help break the lethal [wounds + unawareness] cycle.
You'll get the most from this
self-study lesson if you make significant progress on the
prior four les-sons. This Lesson pertains to all types of
families. Lesson 7 extends this one to focus on high-nurtur-ance
stepfamilies.
Effective parenting merits its
own Lesson (6). Option - check off each assignment after you
complete it to track your progress.
Objective - learn how families "function," so
you can assess and improve your family's nurturance
level, and avoid passing on the [wounds + unawareness] cycle.
Option - keep a
journal or log as you study these assignments to note your reactions and
discover-ies. Your log can provide a source of helpful
awareness in the future.
Knowledge Check
To begin, check which of these best describes you now:
__ I
know all I need to know about how families "work"
(function)
__ I
know most of what I need to know about how families
"work"
__ I
don't know enough about how families "work"
__ The
other adults in my family know enough about how families
"work." (Yes / No / ?)
__
We're teaching our young people all they need to know
about families ( Y / N / ? )
Now - get
undistracted, and complete these assignments in order. Take your
time!. Option - if you have any questions about
families, jot them down now. See if this Lesson reveals the
answers.
__ 5)the
traits of typical high-nurturance
families. Were you raised in one?
__ 6)study the lethal [wounds + unawareness]
cycle that your family may
have inherited.
__ 7)
learn about family roles and rules - they promote
harmony or discord.
__ 8)Review
- perspective on personal and family boundaries. And study...
__ 9)Family-systems concepts, and how to benefit from them.
__ 10)
Learn how and why to make and use a
family mission or vision statement.
Do your adults know what you all are trying to accomplish with
your family long-term?
__ 11)
Review why and how to make healthy family policies on
grieving and
anger.
__ 12) How and why to hold effective
family
meetings - a potential source of satisfaction and pride.
And learn about...
__ 13) The hazards
of maintaining family secrets - do
you have any?
__ 18)Review this
menu of common relationship
problems and solutions (Lesson 4)
__ 19) Retake this
quiz about families to see what you've
learned here; and....
__ 20)
Now -
decide if you want to use the ideas in this
Lesson to
improve your family's nurturance- level.
Pause and reflect - what are you feeling and thinking now?
What did you learn from the process of studying these
ideas? Has anything shifted in the way you view your
childhood family? Your present fa-mily?
Note that
these ideas apply equally to physical families and the
family of subselves
within every adult (like you).
Knowledge Check
Check which of these best describes you now:
__ I
know all I need to know about how families "work"
(function)
__ I
know most of what I need to know about how families
"work"
__ I
don't know enough about how families "work"
__ The
other adults in my family know enough about how families
"work." (Yes / No / ?)
__
We're teaching our young people all they need to know
about families ( Y / N / ? )
Compare your
answers here to the Knowledge Check at the
top of this Lesson. Has anything changed?
Options
The basic question posed by this Lesson is:
"Do you want to do anything to raise your family's
nurturance level now?" Here are some options, using
concepts from Lessons 1 thru 5:
identify which
of your members carry significant psychological wounds,
and decide what to do about that.
intentionally work to
improve the effectiveness of communication
among our family mermbers.
discuss and agree on a
family mission statement - and use it!
resolve any significant
family-membership (inclusion / exclusion)
conflicts
evolve and implement a
strategy to resolve or prevent _ loyalty conflicts, _
relationship triangles, and _ values conflicts
clarify who makes the
important decisions in your family
clarify and implement a
family policy about healthy grief
assess family members for
incomplete grief, and help each other finish any
define and implement a
family policy about feeling and expressing anger and
frustration
educate family members on
addictions, and confront any addicted members
experiment with periodic
family meetings
make a family genogram and
discuss it with all your members
teach members how to make
structural diagrams, and do so.
assess your family for role
confusion, role strain, rand role conflicts, and help
each other correct any of these.
assess your family for
significant secrets, and work together to eliminate the
fears, guilts, and shame that cause them.
ask your other family adults to study and discuss Lessons 1
thru 5 in this online course.
This list is suggestive, not
exhaustive. Notice your reaction to these family-improvement
options: Bore-dom? Skepticism, Indifference? Enthusiasm?.
How important is your family's nurturance level to your
adults?
Recap
This
is the study guide for Lesson 5 of 8 - evolve and enjoy
a high-nurturance family. It provides ba-sic information
about family systems, structure, and dynamics that many
adults don't know. The lesson starts and ends with a quiz to
gauge how much you know about these vital family basics. It
also includes a list of
options for using
this knowledge to raise your family's nurturance level.
Ignorance of family basics is a significant part of the
lethal [wounds + unawareness] cycle that causes most personal
and social problems. These assignments are based on the ideas in
Lessons 1 thru 4, so study them first.
The next two lessons build on this one - Lesson 6 proposes
keys to effective parenting, and Lesson 7 outlines options
for
evolving a high-nurturance stepfamily.
Pause, breathe, and reflect - why did you read this article?
Did you get what you needed? If not, what do you need? Who's
answering
these questions - your
true Self,
or
''someone else''?
The Web address of this article is
http://sfhelp.org/fam/guide5.htm
Objective - learn how families "function," so
you can assess and improve your family's nurturance
level, and avoid passing on the [wounds + unawareness] cycle.
Knowledge Check 